


"4" is for happiness and doesn't mean to die

by redtrode



Category: BABYMETAL, さくら学院 | Sakura Gakuin
Genre: Coming of Age, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:46:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29239299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redtrode/pseuds/redtrode
Summary: Yui is becoming such a beauty, Moa realises.As Moa turns 18, and goes on with her public persona and personal life, she witnesses more fans from different metal subgenres being exposed to BABYMETAL's music and she learns new things about herself and others.
Relationships: Kikuchi Moa/Mizuno Yui
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story has also been published on wattpad.
> 
> Enjoy!

I'm not sure when it all started.

It being the thing where my eyes lock with Yui's for more than a moment during interviews.

I tried to read Yui's mind when we held eye contact at first. Because she often correctly knows what I'm thinking, which is amazing as I believe I can be pretty unreadable for many others, and I want to continue in doing the same with her.

But then I realise that Yui may not be thinking anything at all, as she gives me that sly smile that is starting to look more beautiful than cute as she becomes older.

Ah, she really is a beauty.

Her cheeks are becoming slender and yet still look so soft, and her jaw is becoming refined. When we rehearsing, she's more likely to pull a funny face at me and Su. She's really becoming more expressive and I wonder if those acting classes that she takes with Hinata are bringing back the energetic Yui that was controlled by the cool and collected YUIMETAL.

Or it's maybe because she's seen first-hand how goofy other Metal artists can be, so now she knows she can be goofy too. I know how strongly Yui feels about keeping her YUIMETAL image despite wanting so badly to show the Mizuno-ness (as Mori-sensei had called it) to the world. I mean, I'm the same, hiding some of my interests like anime to keep my MOAMETAL image as-is whenever we travel abroad.

"Moa-chan?" comes Su's voice.

I'm startled from my thoughts and spin to meet Su's face. "Hm? What's up?"

Su laughs. "You're starting to zone out like Yui-chan. C'mon, let's go change."

Su has picked up her gear and is already walking off to the female changing rooms.

"Ah, wait up!" I pick up my bags and waddle after her.

Yui's in the changing room, already taking off her shirt. She's wearing a cute crop top underneath. Su nudges my shoulder, and I turn to glare at her. Su smirks and starts to change too.

I huff and strip off my shirt, pants and undergarments before wrapping myself with a towel to keep warm. I take my bundle of clean clothes and head towards the shower stalls. Yui's ahead of me so I call out to her.

"Yui, can you help wash my hair?"

Yui looks over her shoulder. "Sure. Can you wash mine?"

"Of course."

Yui smiles. I return it.

Su coughs behind us. "How come no one washes my hair?"

Just when I'm about to offer my help, Su adds, "I'm kidding. I can wash my own hair, children."

I stick out my tongue at Su as she passes me. Su pulls a funny face and leaves us behind with her laughter.

I catch up with Yui, who's quietly waiting for me, and we continue on. We pick a stall and set down our clean clothes in a safe, dry area. Yui goes to fiddle with the taps to get her ideal temperature to fill up the bucket with water that will rinse her hair. I slather my hands with some shampoo and set to work on Yui's hair after she has soaked it.

I love watching Yui's face during these moments. She looks so content as I massage her scalp and gather all her hair in a temporary bun so I can cover them with suds. My arms used to ache from this, especially after a hard dancing rehearsal like today, but I think my endurance is getting much better and I really don't want to ask Yui to bend down a bit because she's taller than me. I don't really care about being short nowadays, but she's always so infuriatingly smug whenever both our heights are concerned.

"And done," I announce as I pick up the bucket of water. "About to rinse now."

"Thanks, Moa."

"You want me to put conditioner on too?"

"Oh, yes please." Yui grins with her eyes still closed as rivulets of water run down her face.

Such a beauty.

I want to kiss her.

I quickly put down the empty bucket and slather my hands with conditioner. As I work on Yui's hair from bottom to top, Yui hums a song that sounds very familiar.

"What song is that?" I ask.

Yui pauses her humming to murmur, "True Colors."

"Ah. Is it English?"

"Uh huh. It's what I sang during our last Song Archaeology class actually."

"Ah...! I remember now. You sang it beautifully. I remember your translation for the lyrics too. It's amazing."

Yui's voice rises. "Haa ... thank you."

Yui's cheeks are pink and I resist the urge to greet them with my lips. I reach out with my hands instead to rub at them.

"Ah! Moa...! Condition my hair, not my cheeks!"

"Your hair is done!"

"Then go and fill the bucket already." Yui pouts.

So cute.

"Okay, okay." I grin and we switch spots. I raise the temperature a bit and quickly soak my hair as I refill the bucket. When I'm done, Yui's hands immediately latches onto my head and her fingers work their magic.

I close my eyes in content. I keep them closed when Yui lets me know she's done and I carefully rinse my hair under the splashes of water. When I open my eyes again, I see Yui's eyes.

But they aren't meeting mine. She seems fixated where my neck is and I look down, wondering what's there. My neck is clean and seem unnoteworthy. When I look up, Yui meets my gaze with an expression I cannot read.

It's becoming so hard to read her these days.

"Can you condition my hair too?" I whisper, suddenly finding it hard to breathe without doing something stupid. Like kissing her.

Yui nods and quietly proceeds to do so.

The rest of the shower goes without further incident, and by the time we are dressed up we're chatting casually about our plans for the rest of the day.

"I'm going to see Fumika later. She's having rehearsal today too so she's nearby."

Yui raises her brow as she neatly ties back her hair into a ponytail, exposing her neck. I try not to gape at her. "Oh okay. I'm probably going to shop around before I go home."

I look at my phone to check for emails. There are none. Fumika said she was going to call when she was done and I'm tempted to ask Yui if we can go and grab a meal together. But I also do not want to be late when Fumika's done and ready to meet up.

"Sounds fun," Su comments as she appears right next to us. "I need to go and buy enough food for Monika to last the US tour."

"Oh, can I come with?" Yui asks.

"Sure. If you don't mind grocery shopping."

"I don't mind." Yui smiles at Su and I frown to myself, not liking the sudden and strange feeling in my stomach.

For some reason, I think it'd be petty if I asked whether I could join too. I check my phone again. And then amazingly, a call comes through with Fumika's name showing as the caller ID.

I walk away from Yui and Su and pick up the call.

"Hello, Fumika?"

By the time I'm done in agreeing on where to meet with my friend, Yui and Su are gone.

I try to squash the feeling of loneliness.

四 四 四 四

I'm at Fumika's house for our last study session before I fly out in two days to the US again for a BABYMETAL tour. There are preparations that I do when I cannot attend classes for a period of time, such as acquiring several workbooks that will help me in being on track with my peers who can attend classes regularly. A few of the aforementioned books are with me now as I had just bought them. I usually make more than one trip to the bookstore to lessen the load of my bag. Ayami told me long ago that a heavy backpack can restrict the growth of the wearer.

I finish writing the answer to an exercise question and take a break by looking across the table.

Fumika is a great study buddy. We ask each other for help and we give each other help. Today, though, she seems preoccupied with something. If she was stuck on a problem, she would have called for my attention by now.

"What's wrong?" I ask.

She's greatly startled. As she's settling down, she airily replies, "Ah, nothing."

I tilt my head. "You've been staring at the same page for the past five minutes. ...What's up?"

Fumika laughs a bit. "Can never escape from you. Well..." she starts, and then stops.

I audibly nudge her to continue.

Fumika watches one of the walls. "Have you thought much about dating?"

I blink at her.

Dating?

Honestly I have thought about it from time to time. My non-idol friends have dated before and I would sometimes hear a story from them about it. And some of the movies or series that I have seen or read have nice romantic scenes between two people in love.

Were they dating though?

I haven't thought much about myself dating someone else. Idols like Fumika and I cannot date anyway. In public. There are always loopholes.

Which reminds me that Fumika and I haven't taken a photo together that she can tweet or blog about recently.

I decide to answer Fumika's question for now. "Honestly, not really. How about you?" I lean forward and smile, hoping to bring a friendly and safe atmosphere so Fumika can be forthcoming with her thoughts.

It works.

"A lot, honestly. We're turning 18 next month. I wanna know what it's like to date someone."

"Ahh." I prop my elbows on the table and rest my cheeks against my palms. "Are we really at that age where we're expected to date someone?"

Fumika meets my eyes and then looks at the ceiling. "Hmm ... I don't know. But I know I'm not the only one that wants to know what it's like to date. Have you heard about Honjou and the other Fumika?"

I shake my head negative. "No, what is it?"

"They're secretly dating."

I blink. Multiple times.

Girls dating other girls isn't a foreign concept for me. I have seen the works by fellow Love Live fans who like to romantically pair Non-tan and Eri-chi together. But this is the first time I've known an actual girl and girl couple who are Japanese!

"Really?!"

Fumika laughs. "Yeah, really. The other Fumika told me they wanted to try it out."

"'Try it out?'"

Fumika nods. "Yeah. 'Before we graduate and see the real world'."

I tilt my head at that. I don't get it. How does that explanation correlate with dating?

Now I'm really curious about this dating thing.

"Hey, Moa-chan...?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna try going out with me?"

I stare at Fumika. Fumika stares back.

"As in, I'll be your girlfriend?" I ask.

Fumika nods. "Secretly, of course. Because we're idols." Then there's a smile, almost a laugh. She looks nervous as she stares at her textbook again, fiddling with its pages, and she's being really cute.

I've known Fumika since the start of high school. We share the same family name so at our first roll call, our names got called one after another and we looked at each other in wonder. I was trying to remember if I had seen her at any family functions and I was pretty sure she was doing the same. It turned out that Kikuchi is a common family name for an idol; Fumika isn't related to Kikuchi Ami from Idoling either.

Fumika and I are in different classes at school but we still hang out outside of class whenever we're not busy with our work.

I cover my hand over hers and finally say, "Sure, let's be girlfriends."

Fumika looks up and shoots me a grin.

I grin back and the hand under mine stops fiddling with the pages. "Let's go on a date after I'm back?"

"Yeah, let's. ...Should we let Momo-chan and Yui-chan know at least?"

Secret or not, it's probably impossible to date without our two mutual friends knowing.

"Sure. Let's tell them." At that, Fumika's on her phone and tapping away.

四 四 四 四

I stretch out my whole body as much as I can, trying to reach the handle of my overhead compartment. I'm just a few centimetres shy of reaching it! I knew I should've taken Shiro-tan out from the beginning. But I was holding everyone up behind me who were trying to get to their allocated seats on the plane so I hurriedly shoved my bags in the locker and took the middle seat so Yui, who was directly behind me, could get out of the way too.

I am considering in using her seat as a platform when I see the owner reappear from one of the toilets. I quickly sit down and try to act naturally by reading a magazine that's in the back pocket of the seat in front of me. Luckily, Su is too engrossed in talking to Nora in what sounds like mostly English to notice what I was doing. And Koba looks to be asleep a few rows away. Our security guard, who's next to him, catches my eye and gestures to the locker above me. He seems to be offering his help so I nod and mouth my thanks.

"Where's Shiro-tan?" comes Yui's voice as she sits down next to me.

I hide my grimace and attempt to delay my answer.

Yui smirks; she's realised. "You couldn't reach it?"

I knew this would happen!

Yui then stands up, and stretches up to reach the overhead locker. As I try not to give a full top to bottom scan of her taut body, the locker door opens.

I watch Yui blindly search for my seal plush. Her face is focused in concentration. I hope she's too concentrated on finding Shiro-tan to taunt me about our height difference later.

"Mizuno-san, what are you looking for?" asks our security guard. He's reached us.

Yui freezes. "Ah."

"Looking for Shiro-tan," I answer. "It's a big white seal plush."

"Oh. I remember seeing that. Let me see."

In a few seconds, Shiro-tan is in my arms. "Thank you, Kiryu-san!"

"Um, can Kiryu-san also please get my bag?"

"Sure."

"Thank you."

Soon after, our security guard is back in his seat, the overhead locker is closed and Yui and I are cuddling our favourite plush toys.

I watch Yui adorably cradle her jellyfish plush as she navigates the entertainment system in front of her.

"Are you looking for a particular movie?" I ask.

"Not really. So I'm browsing for an interesting one."

At the end she chooses a Disney movie called Moana and turns on the subtitles. Unfortunately there aren't any Japanese subtitles so I can only understand a bit on what's happening as I watch it from the sidelines without audio.

Yui takes off her headphones and turns to me. "Do you want to listen too? You can also plug your headphones into my TV."

I brighten up and nod. As I plug in my headphones, Yui puts up the armrest in-between us so I can shuffle closer to Yui's side to see her screen better and so we can cuddle for warmth.

It's always cold on airplanes for some reason.

"Thank you for helping me get Shiro-tan," I finally say. I grin at Yui and hope she doesn't try to bring up the height issue.

Fortunately Yui just smiles and says, "It's nothing."

I clutch Shiro-tan closer and force myself to watch the screen where a little girl is happily playing by the sea instead of the dashing girl next to me who is also going to graduate high school in March.

And yet we're having another opportunity to see the real world together before then.

四 四 四 四

I receive a barrage of emails as soon as we connect to WiFi at our hotel room.

I quickly reply to Mama and Papa's mail that I've arrived safely and then proceed to open my friends' ... and girlfriend's mails. Fumika is looking forward to my return and already misses me. She's so adorable. I mail her back about my safe arrival and that I miss her too. I need to start planning our date.

Momoka is offering to help me plan the date; apparently Yui Kitamura is helping Fumika plan. I happily accept Momoka's help and we schedule to have a sleepover at her place on my first night back in Tokyo.

"Do you need the bathroom?" Yui asks. "I'm planning to take a shower now."

"Oh! Wait a bit. Need to use the toilet." I drop my phone on our bed and hurry off.

When I'm out of the bathroom, it's Yui's turn to drop her phone on the bed. She gathers up her toiletries and heads towards me as I head towards her. As we pass, I take the opportunity to pat her on the butt. Surprisingly, she quickly returns the gesture as if she has been expecting it.

"Take that," she says with a striking face she probably has meant to be funny as she closes the bathroom door. I'm tempted to run after her, tackle her and push her against the wall.

I quickly shake my head to rid the inappropriate thoughts and images that popped up in my mind.

I'm dating Fumika.

And I still haven't checked what dating (付き合うこと) really means.

So I take the chance to research on it.

My trusted electronic dictionary gives me example sentences that use the social and work association aspects of the term, with a brief mention in the definition about the romantic connotations of it.

I puff out my cheeks. Time to check the internet.

Yahoo search is a lot more helpful. I scroll past the results that mention girlfriends and boyfriends and choose a result titled "The meaning of 'dating'! What to do if a middle schooler? Is it different to 'mutual love'?" and start reading. I'm not a middle schooler anymore but I sure do feel as if I am one with this topic.

I skim through the article. It's targeted towards boy and girl relationships and I'm about to go back and check another result when I see a list of questions that mirror mine.

What do you do when you're dating someone?

Is it different to 'mutual love'?

Why date?

What are the benefits of dating?

The article promises it will answer these questions and put my confusion to rest, so I continue to read.

Dating is the culmination of mutual love between two people. Okay, that's one question down.

Dating is a status announcement to everyone around them about their mutual love. Well, Momoka and Yui know.

My Yui doesn't know though. I haven't told her yet. I haven't found the right time. Nor have I asked Fumika if it's okay for me to tell my other friends about us.

I keep reading.

Middle schoolers apparently give each other confessions and if the confession is accepted, they become boyfriend and girlfriend.

I remember reading confession scenes, which are written by fans, between Non-tan and Eri-chi. They accept each other's feelings and become girlfriends. They're high schoolers, though, like Fumika and me. And Fumika and I didn't really give a grand confession back then. We already often tell each other how much we love each other.

But then again I often tell everyone how much I love them.

The article states that because high schoolers will soon become adults, compared to middle schoolers, the time spent with each other is much higher. And kissing and skinship is involved.

I laugh at that. This article isn't living up to its promise so far; I'm still confused. I'm quite clingy with all my friends, not just with Fumika.

Does that mean I have to stop being clingy with everyone else but Fumika?

I fall back onto the bed and stare at the ceiling.

This is so confusing. I should just mail Fumika about this. She's definitely been wondering about this dating thing much longer than I have, I wouldn't be surprised if she knows more than I do.

I'm in the middle of writing my mail to Fumika when Yui steps out of the bathroom with nothing but a fluffy towel wrapped around her torso and hips. Her partly wet and wavy hair is framing her face and bare shoulders in a way that makes it hard for me to look away. She could be a gravure idol.

Yui goes over to her suitcase and pulls out a change of clothes. She then drops her towel, revealing her gorgeous body and it's at this point that I feel my face burning and my stomach churning.

This is weird! I've seen Yui naked hundreds of times. I was fine when we showered together a week ago! Why do I feel so embarrassed now?

I sit up and read the mail I've written so far. _Hey_ _Fumi_ - _chan_ , _I_ ' _ve_ _been_ _reading_ _what_ _dating_ _is_ _like_ _and_ _I_ ' _m_ _more_ _confused_ _than_ _ever_. _We_ _go_ _on_ _dates_ _like_ _usual_ _right_? _Except_ _they_ ' _re_ _romantic_ _dates_? I ponder on what else to add before I send it.

"Are you going to take a shower, Moa?"

I fumble with my phone and accidentally hit send. "Ah! ...Oh well. Yeah, in a bit."

"Sorry, did I disturb you?"

I know Yui is referring on how I prefer total concentration when I'm playing Love Live on my phone but all I'm thinking about is how her half-dressed body is distracting me. She makes a baggy t-shirt look so good.

"No, no. I'm good." I jump off the bed. "Alright! Time for a shower and then sleep."

It's when I touch the bathroom door knob that I realise that my hands are sweaty and my heart is beating fast.

What is wrong with me?

Yui is almost like my childhood friend. She _is_ a childhood friend. She isn't a cute stranger.

But I do want to be intimately familiar with her now mature body.

I shake my head as I quickly shed off my clothes and hang them up next to Yui's clothes. It's no wonder people call me a middle-aged man when my love for drinking snacks aren't involved.

The hot water hits my head and flushes out my myriad of worries. I think about the headline show we have tomorrow and I smile. We'll be seeing a different crowd. It's going to be exciting.

I'm humming a BABYMETAL song as I wash my body with the nicely scented hotel soap, feeling calm once again. It's when I start washing my genitals that I pause. It's a lot wetter down there than it usually is and at first I thought my period had started even though my next cycle shouldn't begin until I'm back in Japan.

I shrug to myself. As long as it's not my period, I should be fine. Cramps are the worst and I don't like to take pain relievers for that.

Shower done, I try to dry my hair as best as I can with the towel before I wrap the towel around my chest to keep warm. I bring along the hairdryer with me as I want to dress up first before I start using it on the bed.

Outside, Yui is on her side of the bed and on her phone.

I head towards my suitcase.

"Your phone's been vibrating," Yui suddenly mentions.

"Oh." I change direction and reach for my phone. Fumika has replied in three separate mails.

"I think so, Moa-chan.

"Let's figure that out together.

"I look forward to our date! 💖💖💖💖"

I glance at Yui to gauge if she has seen the incoming mails on my phone screen, only to find her unexpectedly staring at me as if in a trance.

"Yui?"

Yui looks up and meets my eyes. "Hm? What is it?"

That's my line.

Instead I ask, "Can you help me dry my hair after I'm dressed?"

Yui gives another one of those dashing smiles. "Sure."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read "Chapter 2" before 25th of Feb, it has now been merged with Chapter 1. The actual Chapter 2 has now replaced it.
> 
> In other words, if you've read "Chapter 2" before 25th of Feb -- go "re-read" it now as it has new content.

It's the morning after our headline show at the Palladium.

I woke up an hour before checkout time, so I try to rouse Yui awake — it doesn't work — and head off to the bathroom to refresh myself.

Yui's still asleep even after I change from my pyjamas. I'm tempted to jump on the bed and make a ruckus but an idea comes to mind; I shall let her sleep. I pick up the room service menu and skim the breakfast section. As expected, none of the items are specifically what I want so I decide to make a trip to Su and Nora's room and have them custom order for me.

When breakfast arrives, I arrange Yui's so there is a bunny face drawing on her plate, in tomato sauce, away from the omelette and sliced tomatoes and cucumbers. I'm about to figure out what else to draw when I hear a groggy and deep voice.

"Good morning."

I look over my shoulder. Yui has sat up and is rubbing at her eyes. "Ah, you're awake! Go and brush your teeth. Breakfast is ready."

"What time is it...?" Before I can reply, Yui has reached for her phone and found her answer. "Ahh! It's that late already?"

Yui bounces off the bed and runs to the bathroom.

Luckily for my empty stomach, she's back a few minutes later so I can pass her her breakfast.

Yui chuckles at my drawing, accepts her plate and thanks me with that sly smile of hers. I grin, happy at the success of my plan, and pick up my own breakfast.

"Time to eat!" we echo before we consume our meal quickly, being conscious of the time that we need to checkout by.

We meet Su and Nora outside and we do another sweep of our room to ensure we hadn't left anything behind. Then Nora leads the way to the reception desk with Su right behind her. Yui and I hold hands as we follow along.

Our producer is already at the reception desk. When he sees us, he gives us a nod of acknowledgement before he turns around and exits the hotel.

Nora helps us checkout and we soon follow. Our bus is parked outside and the staff kindly lift our suitcases on board so we don't strain ourselves and accidentally pull a muscle. Dancing with a pulled muscle is terribly painful! I know that from personal experience.

We make ourselves comfortable on the bus and then we're off.

Yui has insisted in having me take the window seat so I do so; she sits down next to me. We watch the buildings and people that we pass by, and I notice a set of colours that are repeatedly draped over walls, signs, people's clothing and accessories, and even on huge flags attached to street poles. I had seen a few sightings of them during our drive in but Su, Yui and I were too busy rehearsing for our first public "From Dusk Till Dawn" performance to look outside our windows much.

"This city is so amazingly colourful," I remark. "There's rainbows everywhere."

Yui hums in agreement. "It's because it's 'Pride Month'."

I turn to her. Yui is still staring out of the window. "'Pride Month'?" I parrot.

Yui finally faces me. "Do you know what 'LGBT' are?"

I blankly stare. "No...."

"It stands for people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender."

"Ahhh." Those words, I do recognise. I then pause. "What's 'bisexual' and 'transgender'?"

Yui stares at me, with patience, and it reminds me of how we explain concepts to each other during study sessions. "'Bisexual' means a person who would date someone no matter their gender. And 'transgender' means a person, say ... a man whose family registry had him listed as female when he was born."

I was too focused on the meaning of the first word to comprehend her explanation of the second word. After I ask Yui to repeat herself, I try to clarify, "So a transgender person is a man that was a woman?"

"Aah ... it could be the other way around. They can be female but the family registry has them as male. Or had."

"So it's a mistake someone made on their family registry?" I gasp in horror.

"Yeah."

"That's terrible! That must be hard for transgender people. I'd hate to be listed as male on my family registry."

"Same. I hear they can correct it but the process is difficult."

"Ah ..." I wonder if I know someone who had suffered that. Then I remember a celebrity. "Oh! Is Matsuko Deluxe a transgender person...?"

Yui tilts her head. "I thought he's gay and just crossdresses as a woman on TV."

I deflat. "Oh. ...Now I'm confused on what a lesbian person and a gay person is."

"...What's your understanding of a 'lesbian'?"

"Um ... a boy-ish girl who dates girls?"

Yui's face is unreadable at that. But then one end of her mouth quirks up in what seems to be amusement. "Well, they can be masculine. But they can be really feminine too."

I don't know why I suddenly find it hard to swallow.

Yui looks back at the window. "And what's your understanding of a gay man?"

I sweep back my hair behind my shoulders, finding it easier to breathe now. "He ... dates other men?"

"Yup. You're right. You're not confused." There's a moment of silence before Yui continues, "Rallies are held this month, to support LGBT people, because it's the anniversary of the rallies from many years ago when they first protested to be treated more equally. The rainbow is one of their symbols."

"Oh. ...Is it an American thing? The rainbow symbol."

"Hmm ... I think other countries also use it. I've seen it a few times in Shibuya."

"Really?! ...I don't remember seeing it."

These topics are not really talked about back home too.

Am I a LGBT person for dating Fumika? Is Fumika also a LGBT person?

I'm more confused than ever. I want to ask Yui ... but at the same time, I feel hesitant to. I still haven't asked Fumika if I could tell my friends. Or maybe I can just not mention Fumika's name like how Fumika doesn't name me when she tweets or blogs about me.

"Let's do our homework," Yui suggests.

"Okay."

We both retrieve our workbooks and textbooks from our suitcases and get down to study.

I push my worries away and save them for another day.

四 四 四 四

It's our second day on the road, after our first opening for KORN's tour. The band is really nice. We talked to each other quite a bit despite the language barrier before we headed to our separate busses for our next venue.

Right now, Yui and I continue our consistent effort in completing our schoolwork.

When we become nauseous even though the bus has seemed to be on a straight road for the past few hours, we decide to take a break. Before Yui can fully pack her suitcase, I take out a gift and letter for Yui and present them to her.

"Happy birthday!" I exclaim. "I'm going by the time back home," I add when Yui checks her phone, assumingly for today's date.

"Aah ... thank you, Moa!"

Yui is beaming so adorably as she opens the envelope to my letter but then she pauses. "I'll read it when I feel less sick."

I laugh and open my arms for a hug which she quickly accepts.

"Are you looking forward to tomorrow's performance?" I ask when we pull apart.

"Yup."

"And the amount of birthday signs and flags the fans would have for you?" I tease.

Yui playfully pushes me on the shoulder. "Shush, you."

Her blush is so adorable. And I come up with a plan.

We decide to search for Su to see what she is up to.

I need to see what she thinks about my plan.

We find Su not too far away, conversing with Nora in Japanese. Upon spotting us, she smiles and waves us over. "What were you two doing?" Su asks.

"Did some homework," we answer in unison.

"Oh! Do you need any help?"

Yui and I look at each other. It's been awhile since Su offered us help for homework. Especially because her help ... doesn't really help us much.

"We stopped after we felt a bit carsick. It's okay," I say, noting Nora's amusement even though she's trying to hide it.

Su looks to be understanding. "Ahh. Yeah, I would get carsick too if I was reading something. Do you all want to watch another movie instead?"

"Sure."

We all head to the entertainment area of the bus. Su stops midway to use the toilet. I close the door to the entertainment room after Nora and Yui have entered, and choose the seat closest to the exit.

"Go and choose any movie, Yui," I say before any of them have a chance to say anything. "It's your special day."

Yui flushes and looks the other way. "I chose a movie on the plane before, and Su-chan chose one yesterday. It's Nora-san's or Moa's turn now."

"But it's your birthdayyy."

Nora gasps and turns to Yui. "Happy birthday, Yui-chan!" She then checks her watch. "...I thought your birthday is on the 20th."

"It's the 20th in Japan," I say, grinning.

"That is true," Nora agrees slowly with a nod.

I hear the distant sound of a toilet flushing and I excuse myself.

Su is out on the hallway and walking towards me when I hold a finger against my lips and point to a room beside us, opposite from the room I exited from. Su understands my intention of my wanting to speak privately with her and follows me.

As soon as Su closes the door, I initialise our conversation with, "So tomorrow is Yui's birthday in America."

"Ah! I forgot to wish Yui-chan a happy birthday today."

I grin. "Do so when we get back. Anyway, there were a few fans in the audience yesterday that held signs with birthday wishes for Yui right?"

Su nods with a matching grin. "Yes! It's so sweet of them. Think there'll be more of them tomorrow?"

"Surely there'll be more. So ... why don't we acknowledge it during a call and response? That it's a special day."

"That's a good idea! Our fans would love it. I keep seeing the same faces at the front this year."

I nod. "Same. Of course, we'll let the guys in KORN know about it too."

Su nods back. "Of course. I'll tell them when we see them. I'll have Nora-san with me just in case there's a misunderstanding."

"Great."

"And if the crowd tomorrow is completely new to BABYMETAL and don't seem to know about YUIMETAL, well, let's skip it?"

"Sure."

四 四 四 四

Some of the fans are even wearing party hats!

I catch Su's eye behind her fox mask and we both send each other a knowing look. I then gaze across to see how Yui is doing. Yui reacts with surprise upon eye contact. I can't fault her, I usually look at Su during this part of Megitsune.

Instead of giving a funny face at Su, I direct it at Yui. Yui is startled again but she's a good sport and does a return.

Her funny face is amazing.

We split off to tend closely with the audience, encouraging them to not be reserved and respond to SU-METAL. I glance back at Yui, and it looks as if she just started to do the call segment. Strange. I think I'll try to ask the recording staff later if I could see what had happened.

Megitsune ends and we walk to the back of the stage to prepare for the next song, Karate. Su leans towards me and gestures that she will go ahead with the announcement and I repress my grin. I can't wait to see Yui's and the fans' reactions.

Su pats my hand before she walks out to the front of the stage, with Yui and I by her side.

I readjust my headset and lift up my chin to face the crowd. The fans at the front are wonderfully supporting us with their fox signs, and there are people behind them who regard us reservedly with their arms across their chest and hands tucked in. Karate is one of my favourite songs and I look forward to see what the audience, who haven't heard of us until today, think of it.

The combination of dance and karate techniques flow through my body naturally. And the short yells from my diaphragm is giving me more energy to power through this performance. Compared to at the previous venue, where it was at the mountains, it's easier to breathe here. But regaining the energy is always exhilarating.

All three of us are pretending to collapse onto the ground, and my inner excitement shoots up.

The announcement is coming.

As Su says the usual call, I school my features to be neutral and remove an earpiece. The response is amazing and I can see people who are wearing KORN shirts lift up their hands with the fox sign. I can't help but grin at that.

"...Also today is a really special day for us," Su continues. "Happy birthday, YUIMETAL!"

I shoot up a fox sign as Su yells out at the crowd to be louder for Yui to hear. The amplified response is astounding, and my eyes are burning as I can feel tears build up.

So many fans are here with party hats, signs and flags to show their love for Yui. I see some Sakura Gakuin flags being waved and it then strikes me: these fans are like our fukei. They support us by being at our live shows, some of them since when we were at our roots, and they are always a part of the response to our calls.

I let the tears flow as we file back into formation and dance with spirit.

I'm so very glad to be in BABYMETAL.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In one of those 100 questions that Moa did when she was in Sakura Gakuin in mid 2014, one of the questions was "what is one of your most embarrassing moments so far?" which she answered by having had wondered when Matsuko Deluxe was going to have a baby as she always seemed to be pregnant, and she got laughed at by her friends.


	3. Chapter 3

"Can I kiss you?" I ask, applauding my voice for not breaking from my nerves.

Fumika flushes adorably. She tries to meet my eyes, succeeds a bit and gives a small nod.

My arm is comfortably around her waist, and we're sitting down with our backs against the side of her bed in her room. We had gone shopping earlier today, and had a lovely lunch at a cute cafe we've both heard rave reviews about. With Momoka's advice, I had made sure to eat something that isn't too heavy so my mouth and breath don't become stained.

It's been a few hours since, and I'm about to be really hungry soon. I've been trying to find the right moment for a kiss and it seems like I finally found it.

I lean towards Fumika and she becomes stiff in my arms. She nervously closes her eyes. And it seems every inch becomes remarkably longer and longer as I gain closer. I brace myself against the bed so I do not fall on top of Fumika and my pulse is beating hard and up at my throat when my lips finally meet hers.

So soft!

Fumika responds by pressing back, and she relaxes against me.

I experimentally part my lips to gently capture her bottom lip. She gasps against my mouth and I can feel her shivering.

It feels good. It's the first time I've kissed somebody on the lips and they feel so different to someone's cheek, no matter how soft and squishy the cheek could be.

I pull back and open my eyes. Fumika's eyes are still closed and her face is all flushed pink.

I giggle, exhaling out the built up nerves. Fumika's eyes flutter open and she soon joins me.

"Now how about we study?" I suggest, when I remember that our first exam is in a few days.

Fumika pouts. "In a few more minutes?"

"Ah ...." How can I say no to that face? I smile and confirm, "In a few more minutes."

Fumika smiles back and leans her head against my shoulder.

四 四 四 四

I turn 18 today!

It's a school day so I receive a lot of happy birthday wishes from my friends and classmates. I wish them back, but with luck, as today is also the day of our first exam.

I'm sure I'll do well. I studied hard after all!

I only had six hours of sleep last night. But I'm still wide awake and it wasn't hard to wake up by myself this morning. It helped that I spotted an email notification on my phone, which is also my alarm clock.

The email was from Yui. It's a lovely message on how I'm one of the most hardworking people she knows and she's glad that we met and became close friends and how she hopes we can continue to be so for the rest of our lives. She also included a random fact that if I were in Australia I'd now be considered an adult. Wow! I don't want to be an adult yet. I still can't drink black coffee even though I was aiming to be able to do so at 18, but I'm getting close to it!

At least I can stay up until just after midnight. Though if my parents had known I had an exam today, I'm pretty sure they would have sent me to bed much earlier.

But nothing to worry! I left the exam room with happy confidence.

That happiness soon becomes overwritten by disappointment though.

"Ehh, Momo-chan has work today?" Fumika exclaims.

Momoka nods, I hope solemnly and I mentally shake myself for thinking like that, and explains, "I tried to see if I could skip it, but there's an important announcement they have to tell me directly so I have to go...." She then claps her hands and gives a short bow to me. "I'm so sorry, Moa-chan, I know we made plans to celebrate after the exam. I'll celebrate with you on another day!"

I smile, hoping I'm not pouting. "That's okay, Momo-chan. And I look forward to it!"

Momoka waves at Fumika and Yui Kitamura and then dashes off.

Fumika takes my hand and murmurs in my ear. "It's okay, Moa-chan. We can celebrate now and another day when all of us are free. Your 18th deserves a lot of celebrations."

I turn to her with a grin. It looks as if Fumika had spotted my pouting and rushed to comfort me. She's such a sweet girlfriend.

Yui Kitamura coughs. "C'mon you two, let's go."

"Ah, but I booked for four people. Let's see if Hina-chan is free."

Yui's face falls. "Ah ... I already asked Hina-chan when I knew Momo-chan couldn't make it. Hina-chan can't make it either ... since it's short notice."

"Oh."

I don't know why I'm so attached to the number four.

Fumika is tightly holding onto my hand, and the gesture somewhat comforts me.

Three should be okay. BABYMETAL is three girls strong after all.

Then I wonder if either Yui or Su are free. But Su is bad with last minute plans, because it takes hours for her to read our emails let alone reply to them. And Yui ...

I don't know why I don't want Yui to be here when I'm with Fumika.

"C'mon, Moa-chan. Let's go."

"Ah. Sorry!"

四 四 四 四

"So how did you think you went with the exam, Moa-chan?" Fumika asks when Yui Kitamura leaves our side to walk ahead. Fumika and I tend to walk slower when we hold hands and Yui tends to be a fast walker.

"I think I did well! How about you?"

"That's good. I think I did okay."

"Just okay? You do well in exams and I've seen how hard you study. I'm sure you did well."

Fumika adorably grins and I have to stop myself from quickly stepping in to kiss her. She then suddenly grabs my waist and pulls me close with my back to her front, which startle me for it has always been me that initiated such romantic gestures.

I'm looking at Fumika with bewilderment as we enter the establishment that I had made the booking at. And then suddenly—

"Happy birthday, Moa-chan!!"

What—?

I spin around, hear Fumika suck in her breath as if in pain, and I spin back.

Fumika waves my worry away with a mutter that my hair had whipped her on the face and she turns me around by the shoulders to face a table full of my classmates.

"Happy birthday!!" they cheer.

I gape. I stare at each one of my classmates, including Hina and Momoka. They grin at me with laughter in their eyes. Yui Kitamura takes her seat next to Momoka and she darts a sly smile at me when we meet eyes.

I have been pranked.

Fumika gently nudges me forward, towards the table of festivities. I can feel my eyes burning with each step.

"Did we trick you?" Hina asks, and the rest of the girls lean in for my answer.

I happily nod, not trusting my voice.

"It was Fumi-chan's idea," Momoka says.

"Really?" I squeak. I spin around and grin at my slightly bashful girlfriend. She's so cute and what she did is amazing!

I dart forward and manage a kiss on her nose. The table behind me erupts in awe and that sharply drives me back to reality. Fumika is stunned; I almost kissed her on the mouth.

In front of everyone.

"Oh, do that again!" one of my classmates squeals.

What?

A chant starts to arise. A chant where a single word is repeated.

"Kiss, kiss, kiss."

Perhaps I can kiss Fumika on the mouth after all.

Fumika is looking at me with an unreadable expression, and it reminds me of those moments I have with Yui. Then, gradually, Fumika raises her hands so they rest on the back of my shoulders and she pulls me in.

Front to front this time.

I grin and prepare for a quick kiss.

The chanting transforms into a series of delighted gasps and remarks of how cute we are.

One of them has even taken a photo and sends it to Fumika.

It looks as if it's okay to kiss in public after all, in front of friends who acknowledge our relationship.

Maybe this is what dating is like.

四 四 四 四

Exams are over and the next series of BABYMETAL performances, also known as The Five Fox Festival in home sweet Japan, is starting today.

We're at Akasaka Blitz, doing stage checks and adjustments for tonight's show. From what I heard, there's already a long queue of our male fans outside the venue.

Yui and I are on the side of the stage, watching Su test the first part of Akumu No Rondo. It's always amazing to hear Su's strong and clear vocals within a hall when there are few people. It's mesmerising. I return to reality when Su cuts off abruptly and I find Yui is on her phone, tapping away.

I wonder whom she's messaging.

Yui looks really focused. Sometimes she will pause in her tapping and stare at her phone blankly, before she will resume tapping.

I'm bored so I side-step towards her and pat her on the butt. She's startled and she looks up at me.

And then she gives that sly smile.

My heart races at the sight, and I can't breathe when Yui leans in close — so close — as she tries to reach for my own butt while draping her whole body against mine.

"Ahem."

I step back and regard the person who seems to have a problem with her throat.

"Su," I breathe out, my pulse still pounding hard in my chest.

Su raises an eyebrow at us, or between us. "It's your turn now."

"Our turn?" Yui asks.

I turn to her. Yui is still so heart-poundingly close to me and my hands are warm and moist. "To rehearse Sis.Anger," I answer as normally as I can.

"Ah!"

It's cute how she lags. And her lips look so soft.

I step back again and head towards the centre of the stage. Footsteps follow close behind me, and I know they are Yui's.

We coordinate with the staff members and the rest of the rehearsal and stage checking goes without incident.

My heart stays calm and my palms stay dry.

The three of us don on our costumes and accessories. The staff do our hair and makeup, and they paint our nails. Sometimes I'll ask the makeup artist for tips if I really like their technique. They're professionals so I love these opportunities where I can soak up their expertise, and luckily for me they're really kind to oblige me.

There's almost an hour to spare before the performance starts, so Yui and I spread out our workbooks and textbooks on an empty table and try to catch some study time.

Surprisingly, Yui and I manage to finish revising this week's mathematics unit before a staff member hurries over to us. We quickly pack up upon her appearance but she waves it off as if to mean we can take our time.

"There's going to be a delay because the security checks are taking longer than expected," she explains, confirming her earlier gesture.

"How much of a delay?" I ask.

"I believe 20 to 30 minutes. I'll notify you if that changes."

"Thank you."

I turn to Yui as the staff member rushes off to do another duty. Yui seems to be off in her own world; her gaze is unseeing.

I call out her name. It takes a few tries before she notices and answers, "Eh? What is it?"

"What's wrong?"

"... I was just thinking that I'm glad our security checks are thorough. And then I thought of what happened at the Manchester Arena...."

Ah. The suicide bombing that happened after the performance of Yui's idol, Ariana Grande. I don't know what I can say that wouldn't sound hollow as it was such a tragedy so I place my hand on Yui's shoulder and gently pull her into a side-hug. Yui leans in and rests her head against mine. We stay like that for a moment, before Yui brings up her phone. I watch her pull up an Ariana Grande music video and we quietly watch the relatively light-hearted footage.

I sense someone is behind us. And from the familiar way they are hovering us, I have a feeling it's Su.

"Maybe I should try to learn how to ride a bike again," comes Su's voice, confirming the accuracy of my senses. "But I can ride a bike when it's stationary like that."

Yui and I turn around to see Su's contemplative expression.

"That's good," I remark. I then grin. "Now try the next step where the bike moves."

Su frowns. "I'll fall and probably break something."

Yui and I glance at each other. We break into song.

"Even if your spirit breaks.

"Ossu. Let's face it and keep going."

Su laughs, and it's easy for us to join in.

"Maybe Moa and I can be on either side of you when you try it," Yui suggests after we've calmed down. "To keep you from falling completely over."

Su visibly thinks over it, and then nods. "That sounds good actually. One problem though."

"Hm?"

"Whose bike should we use?"


	4. Chapter 4

"So I'll just go on it?" Su asks, "It'll stay still?"

"Yup," Yui says.

Su gingerly swings one leg over the bicycle, which is kept still due to being on a stationary trainer. Su makes herself comfortable. The bicycle remains upright.

"See?" Yui says, smiling. She's adorably patient, with our interesting older sister.

I'm watching this scene unfold on Su's other side, as Yui is on the other, to give Su a sense of security in case Yui's bike does topple Su over. Su starts to pedal, and the bike really does remain stationary as only the back wheel turns.

A horrible noise screeches the air though. It's as if someone has turned on the vacuum cleaner.

Su stops pedalling. The noise also stops.

"Was that your bike, Yui?" Su and I ask at around the same time.

"Ah, that's the trainer," Yui explains. "It causes resistance so it feels like you're really riding on the road."

"Huh...." Su starts to pedal again, but stops after 16 seconds. I know because I was looking at the clock on the wall. I'm still looking at it. "Am I supposed to feel like I'm climbing a small hill?"

"Eh? Oh! I forgot to adjust the resistance level." Yui squats near the trainer and pats around the gadget for a bit. "Hmm ... it's not here. Let me get on, Su-chan. I'll fiddle with the settings."

Su and Yui exchange positions.

Yui pedals slowly, while adjusting with the gears on the handlebar. There is a click every time she changes the setting and soon I'm not looking at the chains that are attached to the pedal and back wheel.

Yui's butt is off the bicycle seat and her hips are swaying from side to side. I gape as I watch the mesmerising movements. She must be doing this purposely, mimicking her idol Ariana.

"That should do it," Yui mutters.

I peel my eyes off Yui as Yui gets off the bicycle, and I end up meeting Su's eyes. Su stares at me with repressed laughter and I burn.

Did she catch me gawking?

I hope she thinks I was just zoning out and I just happened to be looking at Yui's butt when I did.

Urgh. How embarrassing!

I feel like a creep.

I physically shake my head, ridding my thoughts and hopefully my negative emotions too.

"Ah, it's much better now!" Su exclaims. She's back on the bicycle, pedalling away, and Yui is back on the other side again. "Okay. I'm going to ride for 10 minutes just to get used to it. You two can go off and do something else. I'll be okay."

Yui immediately walks off but I linger, watching how stationary the bike is and how well the trainer is at holding it upright. I feel a soft hand against my elbow.

"C'mon. She'll be okay," Yui says. I glance back at Su. Su has gotten her earphones out and has plugged them into her ears. She's bopping her head to music I cannot hear. Satisfied that the bicycle won't topple over and injure Su, I follow Yui to the living room.

Yui's touch seems to linger even as she moves away to turn on the TV and casts to it YouTube video from her phone. She turns around and smiles at me. "Feel free to add a video to the queue."

I sit down on one of the comfy sofa seats and pull out my phone. Yui takes a similar sized seat.

As I go on the YouTube app, I'm wondering at the back of my mind on why I didn't take the 3 seater like I usually do. Perhaps because I want to distance myself from Yui for a bit.

I look up at Yui. She's engrossed in the video she has casted on the TV. The music is catchy and foreign and when I finally watch the video, I realise it's another Ariana Grande video.

And... is that two women kissing each other in public??

I try not to gawk as I glance at Yui, gauging her reaction. She seems unfazed, while my ears and neck heat up as the two women escalate their very-should-be-private-activity by removing their tops. In public.

This is a music video?!

"Ariana-san is going to perform in Japan soon," Yui says conversationally, while her eyes are still glued to the TV.

"Ah," I say. I find it hard to look away too. "When?"

"From August 10th to 13th. I already booked a ticket for the one on the 12th. It's at Makuhari Messe. Do you want to come along?"

Yui has kindly accompanied me in June to see the last concert of C-ute, one of my favourite idol groups. Fumika was there too as she's also a fan of C-ute.

I'll gladly accompany Yui to see a concert of her most favourite idol.

"Sure," I say. "Where can I get my ticket?"

"Ah don't worry about that. I'll get a ticket for you."

"Thanks, Yui-chan!"

We continue to watch the video, as it features an elderly couple on the bus tenderly stare at each other before they follow the activities the previously shown couples have engaged in. It's strangely ... adorable?

"Have you ever kissed someone like that?" Yui suddenly asks.

I blink at the screen. "Like that? No...."

"Ah."

Yui then asks another question. "So you've kissed someone on the lips before?"

There's no point in lying to her. "...Yeah."

"Me too."

I internally freeze. Well I hope it's just internally; I don't want Yui to notice my bewilderment.

Yui has kissed someone before?

When? Whom?

"Whom did you kiss?" I ask casually, and I mentally pat myself on the back for delivering the tone successfully. I can figure out the less important 'when' question later.

"Hmm, someone you don't know. And you?"

"Oh." I'm now reprimanding myself for asking the 'who' question first because of course it'll be asked back for me, and I cannot name Fumika. "You've met them once...."

"Ah ...."

She must have figured out it's another idol if I can't name them. I always name people to her.

Then again, why hasn't Yui explained her connection with someone she has kissed? I've asked similar 'who' questions in the past and she had described the person in more detail.

Like a cousin around her age I don't know. Or a classmate from a particular year I don't know.

Who's this someone I don't know?

I want to ask further, but I'm not sure I'm ready for the answer.

Yui speaks again. And I can't help but tense up. "Moa ... are you dating someone?"

"Hey you two! I'm doneee." I rip around to see Su is slumped over and resting her forehead against the sofa seat I'm on. "Another five minutes and I don't think I'll be in top shape tonight."

"Good work, Su!" I say, relieved about her interruptions for once.

"Yeah. Good work," Yui follows. She looks a bit annoyed, and I'm not sure if it's because Su's sweat is going all over her sofa or because of Su's interruption. Perhaps both.

We quickly pack up and head off to a restaurant, which is along the way to Akasaka Blitz and what we had picked on our way to Yui's house, for lunch.

I pretend I hadn't heard Yui's question.

Yui doesn't ask it again.

四 四 四 四

At Akasaka Blitz, we have another sound check. Tonight Su is singing Akatsuki. A total crowd favourite.

Yui and I will be singing Song 4.

We run through the chorus, bopping our heads to the drum beats. And Yui's butt is distractingly attractive.

I shift my gaze and focus on the imaginary audience in front of me.

_Yon yon yon yon!_

Yui's hips are in my peripherals. In the centre of my vision. And they are so mesmerising.

Focus!

Yui's butt is so shapely.

_Argh!_

There's that feeling deep in my stomach again. The same kind when I saw Yui naked before.

I'm finding it hard to breathe.

This song I co-wrote with Yui, because I was becoming sick of receiving unnecessary pity from people whenever they hear of my birthdate, is ironically going to be the death of me.

四 四 四 四

I'm back home after we cleared the Red Fox festival.

It was amazing! The crowd was amazing! The responses to our calls were amazing! And the lovely aroma of our fans....

I cuddle Shiro-tan under my blankets.

I know my girlfriend and Momoka had gone to tonight's performance. I didn't have a chance to spot them in the crowd though. And speaking of the devil, my phone buzzes with notifications of messages sent by Fumika.

"Moa-chan! You're such a _ikemen_! 💖💖💖💖

"Can I call you?"

I answer by calling her instead.

As soon as Fumika picks up and says the obligatory greeting, I immediately quote her, " _Ikemen_?"

"Eh?"

"You said I'm a _ikemen_."

"You _are_."

"Uh...."

I'm not quite sure how to take that supposed compliment. I remember several people had called Su that and I understand why they did. But I've always been called cute.

Just cute.

"You're soooo cool and so cute, Moa-chan. A total _ikemen_ ," Fumika continues.

I blush. "Ah...."

So I'm cool!

"It was amazing to see BABYMETAL fangirls tonight. It's such an experience! And did you know YUIMETAL was blowing kisses at us? It was so cute!"

"Wow. I didn't see that! When did she do that?"

"Ah ... Song 4 I think? There was a lot of screaming."

Of _course_ it's that song. "Did you also scream, Fumi-chan?" I ask absentmindedly as I imagine how Yui would have looked.

"...Yes. Are you mad?"

The intent of the question throws me off. "Why would I be mad?"

"I was also fangirling over Yui-chan."

Fumika doesn't sound as if she will add more than that so I reply, "I don't see why I should be mad about that. Yui-chan's amazing."

"But I'm your girlfriend."

"Uh, we're not supposed to fangirl over anyone else because we're girlfriends?"

"I... dunno? But I see that it's considered bad by other couples."

"Oh."

"But I wouldn't be mad if I see you fangirling over other idols."

I smile; I'm glad Fumika and I are on the same page with this aspect. "I wouldn't be mad if you fangirl over other idols either."

"I'm glad. You're still my _oshimen_ though!"

My smile becomes a dopey grin. I then notice the time on my bedroom table, it's seven minutes past midnight. "Oh! Happy birthday, Fumi-chan!"

"Thank you, Moa!"

"... Unfortunately I can't join Yui-chan and Momo-chan tomorrow though. But please keep the 21st free like we said! I've planned something special for you."

"I know Moa-chan. Thank you! I'm looking so forward to it." Her words fades into wordless flailing and I'm feeling very pleased with myself.

I got us tickets to the premiere of Despicable Me 3, a movie we've both been looking forward to watch. And we're going to have a wonderful meal at a fancy Italian restaurant that I booked, where I'll make sure she'll feel like a queen by literally crowning her and surprising her with a personalised message on her plate.

I'm going to be a good girlfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Ariana Grande video referenced in Chapter 3 is 'Side To Side'. The video referenced in this chapter is 'Everyday'.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter contains sexual scenes. It's up to you if you want to continue. :)

Fumika's tongue is against the side of my mouth and her moist lips are hugging mine. One of her hands is resting at the hem of my shorts, touching a bit of sensitive skin that is on my tummy. It all feels remarkably good, but I'm also experiencing that dreadful feeling that maybe my period has arrived and I'm completely unprepared while wearing my favourite heart patterned, white panties.

I internally groan and gently end the kiss. "Sorry," I mumble. "Toilet."

Fumika only manages to breathe heavily as she watches me stumble and make my way to her bathroom.

As I relieve myself, I look down at my undergarments that remain unstained from blood. I breathe out, glad that it's another false scare.

However the panties are definitely stained with something. It looks like the usual discharge but more watery and much more than usual. Strange.

My thoughts must have shown on my face when I return to Fumika because she asks me what's wrong. I tell her about my worries and she ... looks embarrassed?

"Um, Moa-chan ... have you ever engaged with yourself?"

I blink at the unusual question that sounds unrelated to the current topic. "What?"

Fumika becomes more flustered. She lowers her voice into a whisper, "masturbation."

My cheeks and ears grow hot at the updated context.

_ Oh. So that's what the stain is. _

_ I didn't think just kissing would cause that. _

_ It would cause that?? _

"No," I finally say, "Kind of."

Fumika tilts her head. "But you've tried?"

"Yeah but...."

"But...?"

I sigh and look away. "It felt pretty boring so I stopped and I just never tried again."

"Oh." Fumika covers her mouth with a hand and looks to be deep in thought. "Maybe try it differently? Like, um, try it after you've watched an AV."

"'AV'?" I echo.

_ Some audio visual would make it less boring? _

Fumika does not meet my eyes as she mumbles, "Adult ... video."

"Oh!"

"I can give you some on a USB drive."

"Ah, yes please. I don't have any."

"Okay. But yeah, try it. It's good in relieving stress too."

I stare at Fumika's laptop, which is currently switched off. "So why don't we watch one now?"

"Eh?! ...Really?"

I look back at Fumika and she blinks at me in disbelief. I nod. "It's okay, right? We're girlfriends."

"I ... okay. Let's watch one."

No one else is home so no one is going to accidentally barge in on us. Hence why we were so free to kiss beforehand. Fumika loads up her laptop and clicks around until a video appears. She makes it full screen and then turns to me shyly.

"I just chose a random one, okay?"

"Okay." I beam.

Two women appear on screen. They're lying on bed in someone's room and chatting to each other in what sounds like English. Fumika fiddles around with the mousepad and the video fast forwards until the women are leaning towards each other and meet each other's lips. They kiss kind of messily and one quickly moves her hands under the other woman's shirt. Tops are quickly removed and I'm surprised they aren't wearing any bras despite how well endowed they are.

I place a hand on Fumika's hip and I slowly slide it upwards, while under her shirt, and feel her shudder against me.

"...Moa-chan?" Fumika breathes out.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

I answer by cupping one of her breasts over her bra and she replies with a gasp. The touch is unfamiliar and I gulp, not knowing what else to do even though the women on screen are already showing the next steps of what could be done.

"Um! Moa-chan?"

I can hear uncertainty in Fumika's voice so I remove my hand. "I'm sorry. Too far?"

Fumika nods. "I'm sorry. I ... don't think I'm ready. I'm sorry."

I wave my hands and then realise she can't see them. "You don't have to apologise!" I hug her tightly before whispering "... Actually, I'm not ready either."

Fumika chuckles.

The women on screen are kissing each other kind of messily again and weird sounds are emanating from them. I fiddle with the mousepad to pause the video. Meanwhile, Fumika is fumbling with her phone. It looks as if she has received a message.

Fumika suddenly laughs.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Little does Yui-chan know that you're a little devil."

"Huh?" I'm confused.

_ Yui perfectly knows I'm a little devil. _

"Yui-chan just messaged me, 'what are you doing to our sweet, innocent child Moa-chan now??'"

Ah. Yui Kitamura. I bat my eyelashes at Fumika who has turned to face me. "But I am innocent."

Fumika snorts and slaps at me, making me laugh.

"I can't believe she still doesn't know you're a pervert."

"Fufu."

四 四 四 四

At home, I load up my own laptop to do some research. I plug in Fumika's USB drive but I don't look at any of the other videos she has shared with me just yet.

It was strange on how the two women kissed and touched each other in the video we recently watched. It felt exaggerated and unnatural. Maybe some more textual information on the Internet about these activities will help me gain a better understanding.

An hour later, I'm hidden under a blanket on my bed and eyeing my bedroom door and looking all ready to sleep the night away. I experience a déjà vu when Papa knocks the door and I let him know he can come in. He asks me about my day, wishes me goodnight and leaves with the door closed.

I continue my research by letting my hands roam over my body as I watch one of Fumika's videos on mute. She's right. It does feel a lot better this way as I witness a blonde woman be pleasured by a really cute black-haired woman. I rub myself raw as my mind tugs at me on the strange familiarity of the woman with strands of black hair that sometimes cover her face. I ignore the mental tugging and focus on the video and for any unusual noises from outside my room.

After the video has long ended and I'm breathing heavily at the ceiling and winding down, I realise why the black-haired woman in the video seems so strangely familiar.

She reminds me of Yui.

I look at the time on my bedside table and groan to myself. And I'll be seeing the actual Yui in several hours at the station.

How am I going to be able to look at her in the eyes without blushing madly now?

四 四 四 四

"Are you okay?" Yui asks me after we have showered and changed to a set of clean clothes.

"Yeah," I say as I look at my phone, pretending I haven't been avoiding Yui's face the whole day while on the train from Tokyo to my hometown, Nagoya. I receive a message from Fumika and I open it.

"...Who are you texting?"

"Um... just someone."

"Oh...."

Yui's tone holds something that pulls me away from my phone and I actually manage to try to catch Yui's eye in my curiosity. I fail again but this time it's because Yui is looking elsewhere.

"Moa...," she continues, "Are you dating anyone?"

I can't breathe. Su is in another room with Nora as usual so I can't hope for another interruption from her.

And I've sullied Yui's image last night. The least I can do is to be honest in something else.

"Yes," I admit.

Yui finally meets my gaze. I try my hardest not to think of anything, including last night's events. "I thought so."

"O-oh?"

"I guess you can't tell me who it is or else you would've said it by now...."

Yui's poker face is on, and I cannot read what she is thinking. And for some reason, amongst the guilt of not confessing to Yui on how I'm dating someone until now, there is a feeling of disappointment within me.

And regret.

Why?

"Yeah...." I confirm; I can't say Fumika's name.

"...Can I ask their gender?"

"Huh?"

"Because I really want to know."

Yui's poker face has somewhat been broken out. She stares at me intensely with puckered lips, and she looks so kissable.

Which reminds me...

"I'll tell you if you tell me the gender of the person you kissed."

"Huh?"

I repeat myself.

Yui blinks a few times; she's taken aback. "... Okay. It was a girl."

That was quick. I was preparing myself for a backup plan but she had taken the offer really quickly. I'm shocked at the answer but at the same time I'm not too shocked. It's a strange conflict in emotions that I'm experiencing.

"Oh," I say casually. A deal is a deal. "Well I'm dating a girl."

Yui's eyes brighten up, but she quickly turns away to use her own phone so I cannot read her further.

Does she...?

No, it can't be. Yui is so beautiful and works so hard to achieve perfection; there's no way she'll be crushing on silly ol' me. Su, her long time idol who dotes on her, would be a better choice.

And finally telling Yui that I'm dating a girl feels unexpectedly anticlimactic.

"Let's go eat breakfast now," Yui suggests.

My stomach rumbles and I nod. We leave our room and search for the eating area. Along the way, the windows give us an amazing view.

"Your hometown looks amazing, Moa."

I grin. "Because it is. If we have enough time before tonight's show, I'll show you my favourite markets!"

Yui meets my eyes and she matches my grin. "Okay! I look forward to it. The shops that you show me in areas you're familiar with are always nice. And this is your hometown! So I'm sure it'll be amazing."

"When you put it like that, we definitely have to make time now."

"We will!"

I love it when Yui is being like this with a smile.

I love it when Yui does it to me.

I'm in love with her.

My surroundings become a blur as I step into the eating area.

...Oh no.

I stare at the rich display of food that is laid out on several tables, but I'm suddenly not that hungry.

I'm such a bad girlfriend.

四 四 四 四

I'm at my girlfriend's room. This is where it all started and I'd hate to end it in her room too. I don't want her to remember this heart-wrenching moment whenever she's at her safe haven.

"Um, Fumi-chan? Can we go to your backyard for a bit?"

Fumika is startled at the sudden request; she hardly goes to her backyard. "Sure...?"

My heart hammers against my rib cage as we make our way to the back door of her house. It becomes deafening when Fumika unbars the exit and beckons me to go before her.

She doesn't deserve this.

I take a deep breath.

But she needs to know.

Fumika takes several steps outside and spins around to face me, surprised that I haven't really moved much further from the exit.

"Is something wrong, Moa?"

Fumika's sensed something serious. I can't back away now. I take another deep breath and meet her eyes.

"Fumi-chan ... since the day we met you've been a dear friend of mine. I'm so glad to have met you and to have you support me so much not only as MOAMETAL but as Moa Kikuchi too. It's been a honour to be your friend and to be able to support you and see you at the backstage after your performances. You've made my high school days richer and my after school moments memorable."

Fumika blinks at me.

"But," I continue solemnly, "I don't think I can be your girlfriend anymore."

I watch Fumika take a few moments to comprehend what I'm trying to say. Then, she asks, "...You want to break up?"

I'm about to say that I wish for us to stay friends, but then I realise how selfish of a wish that'd be. What happens if she doesn't want us to stay friends after this? "Yes," I finally say.

"I see."

The sound of cars on the road outside and the chirping of birds ensure it isn't deafeningly silent.

"Would you like me to leave? We can study another time," I suggest, offering Fumika an escape from me if she wants one.

But Fumika shakes her head. And there's a small smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "No, let's go back and study."

She's pulling a tough front and I let her. We return to her room and resume our studying. But I can't focus and I can see that Fumika can't focus either. I suggest an impromptu quiz and when it's become obvious for us both that we should continue our study session on another day I announce my leave.

I've just fitted in my last shoe at the entrance area when Fumika asks, "...Did you realise you're in love with someone else when you went back to Nagoya?"

I fight against the dryness in my throat. I turn around and see that Fumika's earnest expression remind me of Yui's just a few days ago. I clear my throat and admit, "Yes."

"I see."

I look down, unable to maintain eye contact, and quietly shuffle my feet.

"Is it a girl?" Fumika asks.

"...Yes."

I dare to peek up. Even though Fumika is smiling and it's reaching her eyes, her eyes are also filling up with tears. She must've realised I noticed because she looks the other way.

"I wish you the best," is the hoarse reply and I'm rushing to hug Fumika before her voice cracks. "I t-thought it'd be okay.... I'm sorry."

I shake my head slightly so I don't startle her vulnerable form. "No, I'm sorry." I rub her back as she trembles and releases the emotions she was keeping in during our study session. "Thank you for looking after me, Fumi-chan."

四 四 四 四

Fumika has requested that when we tell Yui Kitamura and Momoka about our breakup, we say we had both decided it. She confessed that she doesn't think she could handle their antics if they knew the truth. I, of course, accept. I don't like lying but if the fulfilment of this request will help Fumika, I will gladly do it many times over.

My train arrives and I shuffle down the queue to step onto one of the carriages.

How did I get into such a situation?

There are only priority seats left so I opt to stand near the door. My stop is only a couple of stations away anyway.

I've really, really hurt Fumika.

I stare at the door window, not taking in the blurry scenery that it displays.

Is it right to pursue Yui after this?

Maybe I'm not cut out to date anyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently an euphemism for masturbation in Japanese literally means 'engaged', as in engaged to be married engaged LOL


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: underage drinking. 20 is the legal drinking age in Japan.

It's been almost a year since I realised I'm in love with Yui.

And she still doesn't know.

To backtrack, the Fox Festivals were going okay until the Big Fox Festivals came. Yui wanted to join my gym sessions and it was her first time performing a deadlift. Her form was almost perfect.

Almost.

Yui lifted the Olympic-sized bar and her lower back, which was unfamiliar with the new movement, didn't like it. Yui managed to power through the Big Fox Festivals with the help of painkiller medication and a back brace. She still shone and smiled and pulled silly faces despite the lesser flexibility she must have been experiencing due to the stubborn back injury.

Yui consulted a chiropractor, who a family friend had recommended, when the first physio she met strongly suggested to Yui to stop all physical activity. Fortunately the chiropractor understood and recommended Yui the daily exercises she should do to recover and resume all activities as soon as was possible.

But then December happened.

Mikiko burst in backstage on the first day of Legend S, aghast that Yui was still intending to perform; Mikiko was just informed that the chiropractor had strongly advised Yui to rest as such a big-scaled performance so soon after the injury was too strenuous. Su and I were shocked. Koba looked extremely stressed. And Yui...

Her whole visage was heartbreaking to look at.

Yui didn't cry as she negotiated with Koba to allow the shows to continue as too many people have been looking forward to it and some have even travelled from other countries to see it, but her voice wavered here and there and I held her hand as she gripped me back. We held on after the negotiations were over and the public announcements were released, advising everyone that YUIMETAL was too ill to perform that night and the night after.

Mikiko came back stage to help make quick arrangements of my choreography, especially for Song 4 and GJ. The team decided to not try and find a backing track for Meta Taro and Ijime Dame Zettai that had Yui's solo lines, so it was going to be hard for Su and me during those painful silences on stage but due to the time constraint it cannot be helped.

Su and I decided we should call the attendees to respond and sing Yui's parts. We are The ONE, after all.

Yui held herself strongly as she helped with us on the last minute arrangements.

Before the show officially started, I hugged her gently.

"I'm not going to break," Yui murmured.

"You know I'm trying not to ruin my makeup," I replied as I hugged her tighter and willed my unshed tears to evaporate.

I didn't get to see Yui again until after the whole two nights were over. As I performed, I gave my absolute all. If I had given 100% in previous shows, I gave 140% during those two nights and increased the call and response times. The audience needed to know Yui will be back.

But Yui's health spiralled after New Year's. Her emotional and mental well-being became vulnerable. And her family, close friends, Su and I did our best to support her as she went through various medical treatments.

During all this, I didn't want to burden Yui with my feelings so I never got to tell her.

"Moa!"

I'm startled and I look across to see Fumika being amused at my reaction.

"I've been calling your name for the past minute," she says.

"Oh."

I'm currently in Fumika's room. I had given her some space for several months after our breakup, but she invited me for a catch up with just the two of us right before our high school graduation. Our friendship grew stronger, and we still keep in contact regularly.

"Do I know her?" Fumika asks, "The girl you're in love with."

"W-why all of a sudden—"

"That's whom you were thinking of, right?"

I sigh. "Yeah. Sorry."

Fumika shakes off my apology. "So, do I know her?"

I look around Fumika's safe haven to buy time, unsure if I should let my ex-girlfriend know so soon after our breakup. "Ah... maybe?"

Fumika suddenly gasps. "Is it SU-METAL?"

I feel my neck and cheeks heat up. It's only a matter of time before it hits home. I try to think of diversions as I answer, "...No."

"YUIMETAL?"

It seems I take too long to reply because Fumika's face splits into an all knowing grin. "I knew it!" she breathes out.

I gape. "Knew what?"

"That you two may have a thing for each other."

"Ehhhh?"

"I've been watching you two since your Sakura Gakuin days, you know?"

"But—"

"— I felt so sorry for Yui-chan when you kept hanging onto Hana-chan ever since she got transferred in."

"Why did you feel sorry for Yui-chan?" I ask, realising she had meant it in past tense so she was probably not referring to her current situation.

"Did you like Hana-chan back then?"

I stare in confusion before shooting back, "why did you feel sorry for Yui?"

Fumika is unfazed. "If you liked Hana-chan, I would've felt sorry for Yui-chan."

"I don't get it. Can't I like them both?"

"Were you in love with both?"

"No," I say without thinking. Then I deliberated over it. "Why do you ask?"

Fumika tilts her head. She looks as if she's doubting the genuity of my reply.

"Why do you ask?" I repeat.

"Why did you wish Hana was a boy?"

"What?"

"You wished back then that Hana was a boy."

I wildly stare at Fumika. "I did?"

"You did!"

"When??"

"Not so long after Hana-chan transferred in."

"...Are you sure I said that?"

"I have video evidence!"

"Show me!"

Fumika does in fact have video evidence. It was during a Sakura Gakuin field trip.

I don't recognise my younger self. I don't even remember drawing such a picture and declaring to everyone, whilst knowingly being recorded, that Hana turned into a boy and gave everyone rice balls with hard candy inside.

I cover my cheeks.

What else have I said that's incriminating against me?

"You also wrote in your diary that you'd like Hana to be your boyfriend, but Marripe to be your girlfriend," Fumika answers.

I cover my whole face.

How many people know about me before I knew it myself?

"Do you want to change the subject?" Fumika asks meekly.

"Yes please," I whimper.

"We haven't checked the latest tweets from Wa-Suta. We can do that now."

I perk up. "Oh, let's do it."

四 四 四 四

I wonder if I should forget about pursuing Yui.

Two boy friends have given me a love confession in the past few years, and despite having promised they'd keep the relationship secret, I respectfully declined them. As much as I like to try new things, I also liked our friendship as it is.

But when I was 14 I wanted to try to not eat meat for a month after seeing Rinon easily having done that for most of her life. Mama was supportive and made delicious meals for us that didn't involve meat. Papa, who also loved meat, joined our challenge.

But then I started to tour the world with BABYMETAL and my resolve crumbled when I saw the delicious sausages and schnitzels in Cologne in Germany. They had already made the meals and it's impolite to decline food that's already served — who am I kidding, the food smelled delicious! I wouldn't have rejected it no matter what!

If the next boy was to ask me to be his girlfriend and agreed to keep it a secret, would I also be curious to see how it'd go and accept?

I don't know.

Would Yui accept me?

I don't know either.

"You're thinking about her, aren't you?"

I freeze and guiltily look at Fumika.

"You can be so suave with so many girls but you can't really do the first move on a girl, can you?" Fumika continues.

I quietly laugh.

"I mean I had to ask you out," Fumika points out.

I can't help but grin self-consciously as I rub both of my cheeks, wanting to hide but also wanting to stay lest I hurt Fumika with my departure. Again.

"Moa-chan, you coward."

"I'm sorry."

"Ask Mizuno out. If for some reason she doesn't return your feelings, she sounds like the type to be happy with your feelings and nothing will change."

"How can you be so sure?" I blurt out.

"Because I believe she's as kind and understanding as you are," Fumika says without missing a beat. "And our friendship hasn't changed, right?"

She's got a point.

But Yui has enough to worry about already.

四 四 四 四

"Okay, I can't believe Ruka can't even cheer you up. We need to go outside," Fumika announces.

"Huh? I'm okay," I say.

Fumika rises from her sitting position beside me. "No, you're not. You're daydreaming and looking sad. C'mon, let's go outside."

"But it's too hot outside."

"But you like hot weather."

I flop back onto the floor pillows. "I'm feeling lazy today."

Fumika sits down beside me again. "We can take a nap and go somewhere at night."

"Hm, that sounds good," I mutter as I close my eyes.

四 四 四 四

"Are we lost?" I ask when Fumika and I have walked around the same block in the middle of Shinjuku.

Fumika looks down at her phone and around our surroundings. "I don't think so...? Maybe we should've checked recommendations before coming here."

I notice a bar sign, which is decorated with a rainbow gradient, and point to it. "Let's try that one?"

"Okay."

We both look for an entrance and end up eyeing at the opened doors of an old apartment building. We glance at each other before we step towards it in unison. We navigate through the old stairs and the linoleum floor that is fraying and showing bumps. We pass through the first level of bars silently due to both of us not having the guts yet to choose one. The first bar we saw on the second floor, we opened the door and stepped in — doing our best not to peer in like high schoolers who are way too young to drink legally.

"Welcome!" says the man behind the bar. The space isn't as small as I thought as a table for six manages to fit in — four seats have been taken by other men.

I flash a smile. "Hi, it's our first time here."

The barman's friendly smile falls. "First time?"

I nod as he replies, "I'm sorry, first timers can't join tonight."

"Eh? Is it because we're girls—" I say as Fumika and I shuffle ourselves towards the door we just entered.

"No, no. We can't accommodate first timers tonight. I'm sorry."

After the door shuts, Fumika and I stare at each other and shrug.

The second bar has several women. I spot a couple who are several years older than me sharing fried snacks such as takoyaki, fried balls with octopus filling. My stomach reminds me of my hunger.

"Welcome," the barwoman singsongs. When we approach closer I realise the barwoman may be transgender.

"Hi," I singsong back, "can I have takoyaki and fried chicken please? I'll look at what drinks after I'm not hungry."

"Smart decision." The barwoman nods at me and then at Fumika. "And what would you like?"

"Just fried chicken please."

"Coming right up!"

We settle ourselves on the stools and glance around us, doing our best not to gawk so we don't seem like first timers.

"First time here?"

"Uh...," we drag out simultaneously.

"I haven't seen you two before. My name is Nanako."

There's no way Nanako is going to shoo us out after introducing herself so we do the same, except I simply call myself 'M'.

"Sorry if I'm jumping ahead but are you two dating?"

"We used to," Fumika says, "We're just good friends now." I grin at her at that addendum.

"Oooh, so are you two looking for other girls to date tonight then?"

"Uh..." I drag again.

"I am," Fumika says with a laugh.

Nanako and Fumika continue the conservation as I take a better look at my surroundings, feeling safe that I can stay and that the people seem friendly enough.

I catch a glance of someone familiar and I stop in my tracks. I stare. The girl must've sensed my attention somehow; she looks up from her drink, our eyes lock and I absolutely cannot move.

The girl is Yui.

Yui looks as shocked as me.

I slide off the stool and move towards her, surprised that she doesn't seem accompanied tonight; Yui would go to a bar alone?

"Can I sit here?" I gesture at the stool next to Yui's.

Yui nods and takes another sip of her drink. Her plate is messy with the scraps of her finished dinner.

"Are you here waiting for your date...?" I hazard.

"No."

"Oh."

Nanako comes over to deliver my snacks. "Enjoy! I see someone's caught your eye already." She winks at me.

I burn and quickly order a shot of hot sake if I aim to get through this night without thinking too much. I avoid Yui's eyes as I munch on my first fried chicken, knowing my takoyaki will be piping hot and I need them to cool down so they don't burn my tongue.

I don't look at Yui until I downed my first shot.

"So why are you here?"

Yui replies but I don't catch it.

I lean over. "What was that?"

"She cancelled on me at the last minute," Yui mutters.

"... I'm sorry to hear that."

The nerve of that girl! Who would cancel on a perfect girl like Yui?!

"So I guess you're dating, um," Yui stumbles over her words, "well I know who you're dating then."

"Oh. Um. We're not dating anymore."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. ... I broke it off."

"Oh."

That was a different kind of "oh".

I watch Yui's face as I chew on a thankfully not-too-hot takoyaki. Yui still lives with her family back in Yokohama, which is a few hours train ride from here. "Where are you staying tonight?"

Yui looks at me with wide eyes and it takes me a while to register why. "I-I'm just wondering," I add hastily as heat returns to my cheeks.

"Nearby. Where are you staying?"

"At Fumika's. It's a half hour away."

"Ah."

When I finish my snacks, Yui slides off her stool and stifles a yawn. "I'm going to head off."

"Can I join you?"

Yui blinks and then smiles. "Sure."

Fumika winks at me infuriatingly when I tell her the rest of my plans for the night. She calls Nanako over and offers me a shot of hot sake before I leave. Yui patiently waits outside, probably playing on her phone.

I glare at Fumika after I finish the last sip of sake, tell Nanako my thanks and make my way out. Yui and I silently navigate our way back to the exit, and she cuddles my side as soon as we felt the outside air.

I really hope her place is as far as possible as she leads me there, step by step in unison.

四 四 四 四

We're both tucked in Yui's single bed in her hotel room and that's when disappointment runs through my veins.

What did I think was going to happen?

It was stifling in the elevator that we took to get to her floor.

We were almost just accomplices as we used the bath, turn by turn.

"Moa?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you still interested in dating girls?"

"Yeah. And I guess you are too."

"Mhmm."

Levelled, deep breathing.

"Do you like Hana?" Yui asks.

I'm stunned. "N-no? What makes you think that?"

"Sorry ... I thought you did. I guess I misread the signs."

"What signs?"

Yui's responses are slurred with incoming sleep and I had to ask her to repeat her sentence fragments before I understood her completely as: "You used to be all over her until you dated someone. And you talk to her and Marippe all the time and it really looked like you were crushing on her."

I'm speechless. If Yui were the first person to ask if I had a crush on Hana I would've brushed it away but she's the second. The first being my ex-girlfriend.

This is so weird.

Was I in love with Hana?

Despite my worries and questions, I sleep soundly that night to the familiar sounds of Yui breathing beside me.


End file.
